For most women the most important part of our marriage is the wedding day. We spend a lot of time dreaming about that day from the age of 7. We want the classic white dress , the tier wedding cake and to crown it all prince charming waiting at the alter.
This is all good. We also need to put in some thought to the days after the wedding. I.E OUR MARRIAGE
Before we get married there are certain things we need to be clear about as these are the things that we will be living after the wedding.
We need to consider
1.The children
Are you going have children? If yes how many? When are you going to have the children? The spacing of the children and so on. This is really important as it has a financial impact on your budget. Secondly for the lady the children will affect your career choices.
2. Budgeting & bills
You need to know who will be paying what bills. Who will be in charge of the budget? Who will ensure that the household is run smoothly?
3. Money
Will you have a joint account? Will you share your account details? Your payslip etc. Some of these issues are not automatic for all people. Some spouses would rather not share there payslip details and so on.
4. The IN-LAWS
Will we support them? How? Will we live with them?
5. Investment
What principles will we apply when investing? Some people do not believe in investments so they can be a drag if on the partner who sees opportunity in every situation.
6. Religion
What religion are we going to ascribe to? Are we going to be going to church? Which church?
The list above is not exhaustive it is just but a sample. Most of what you need to discuss is how life will be AFTER THE WEDDING.
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Monday, 10 October 2011
WHEN HE GOES SILENT
One of the most fascinating phenomena about men is there reaction when annoyed or when they have something on their mind. They amazingly go SILENT. DEAD SILENT. This is just something we do not understand as women. (It just does not make sense)
When a man wants to think he retreats into a cave. (Sometimes called THE IDIOT BOX). The only motion that he has is flicking of channels. The remote control actually becomes an extension of his hand. This is actually not a bad thing. When you think about it , it is a good thing. This becomes his me time . It actually gives the man time to put his thoughts in order.
Now where do we go wrong as women. When he goes into his cave we follow him in. We begin to question him, ask him to talk to us and so on. Solutions which we would prefer for ourselves. We forget men and women are different. Men are not our girlfriends so they do not like to talk.
As we talk more to him he moves further into his cave. Eventually he will run out of cave and his reaction will be a negative one. Why? He was not given the time to realign his thoughts. He is more confused than ever and does not what to do next. Being a man this affects his confidence and he is not able to make decisions. This is not good as the man is dying slowly and he begins his journey on the road of resentment.
How can we as women help our men during such times? It is very simple:
What would be most helpful for the women is if the man gave reassurance. For example "Please give me time to think I will get back to you". And after thinking if only he could get back to his women it would so help. It would build confidence in the woman. She would know that he doesn't hate her, he just needs space.
#Just saying
When a man wants to think he retreats into a cave. (Sometimes called THE IDIOT BOX). The only motion that he has is flicking of channels. The remote control actually becomes an extension of his hand. This is actually not a bad thing. When you think about it , it is a good thing. This becomes his me time . It actually gives the man time to put his thoughts in order.
Now where do we go wrong as women. When he goes into his cave we follow him in. We begin to question him, ask him to talk to us and so on. Solutions which we would prefer for ourselves. We forget men and women are different. Men are not our girlfriends so they do not like to talk.
As we talk more to him he moves further into his cave. Eventually he will run out of cave and his reaction will be a negative one. Why? He was not given the time to realign his thoughts. He is more confused than ever and does not what to do next. Being a man this affects his confidence and he is not able to make decisions. This is not good as the man is dying slowly and he begins his journey on the road of resentment.
How can we as women help our men during such times? It is very simple:
- Give him time and space to think. I don't mean ignore him. I am just saying watch him from a distance and be ready when he needs you.
What would be most helpful for the women is if the man gave reassurance. For example "Please give me time to think I will get back to you". And after thinking if only he could get back to his women it would so help. It would build confidence in the woman. She would know that he doesn't hate her, he just needs space.
#Just saying